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| User: | lifeofreilly (625352) 
It was on fire when I got here
Burning the Man, and the Candle, at Both Ends
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| Name: | Jonathan |
Text
Message: | Send lifeofreilly a text message
on his/her cellphone/pager. |
| Website: | My Lame Web Page |
| Location: | Reseda, California, United States |
| Birthdate: | 1971-11-08 |
| Bio: | My Birthday is coming up. Here's my Wish list from Amazon...
I live in Reseda. I throw fun themed parties. I have more friends that I can recall at any given time. I am old. I am a scientist. There are pictures of me dressed as Mimi floating around the internet. I own leather pants. I went to Burning Man the last two years. I will go again this year.
I pour a stiff drink, offer a great ear (and shoulder), *edit** [and stopped playing] World of Warcraft far too much.
I get to do science every day. This make me so goddamn happy you have no idea.
I Have A Moblog.
If you are interested in the kooky, fun, and oft times scandalous photos I take with my Treo 650, add ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif) lormoblog to your friends list and it will show up via it's handy RSS feed... :)
The direct link to my moblog can be found at Moblog.co.uk. You should get one. It's totally free.
Any questions? Good.
And now- a word from my soul brother Ernie Cline
Nerd Porn Auteur. in mp3 format
I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies
that are made for guys like me.
All the porn I've come across
was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males
Men who like their women stupid and submissive
Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos
with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary
Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected
liposuctioned women
Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation
in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.
These aren't real women. They're objects.
And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.
These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on.
They disgust me.
And it's not that I'm against pornography.
I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.
Fact.
"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"
Guys need porn.
But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.
I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:
Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world
is a woman who is smarter than you are.
You can have the whole cheerleading squad,
I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:
Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.
Oh yes.
First I want to copy her Trig homework,
and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her
for hours and hours
until she reluctantly asks if we can stop
because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica.
Suma cum laude, baby!
That is what I call erotic.
But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?
No.
Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.
I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.
And the women in my porno movies will be the kind
that drive nerds like me mad with desire.
I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up
the grading curve.
The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.
Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.
Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses
and chips on their shoulders.
My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.
My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.
In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked.
They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and
beat them repeatedly at chess
and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle
or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.
Buy stock in some hand cream companies
because there is about to be a major shortage.
And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.
There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren
of all sexual orientations.
Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens."
This idea is a fucking gold mine.
I am gonna make millions,
because this country is full of database programmers
and electronics engineers
and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.
And you can help . . .
If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry,
and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet,
then you are hired.
It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive.
It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful.
You are beautiful. . .
And I will make you a star.
And one more- which describes me perfectly...
The Geek Wants Outin mp3
At first glance
I probably appear to be a somewhat ordinary,
somewhat average looking fellow.
Calm, harmless, at ease.
But this is by design.
You see, it is through decades of research and rigorous training that I have crafted this facade of normalcy.
And now, through intense concentration,
I am able to function in a social setting.
I can speak at length with educated people about
pertinent matters of public importance,
such as literature,
or the current political climate in Europe.
I am capable of conversing with you
without ever revealing that just underneath the surface
of this manufactured veneer
there hides an altogether different person.
A monster, some might say.
My alter-ego.
He is the opposite of the image I project.
He is the antithesis of Cool.
He is the LAST person you want to get trapped in a conversation with.
He is The Geek.
The obsessive science fiction movie watching,
comic book collecting,
Monty Python dialogue memorizing,
Dungeons and Dragons playing GEEK
that I struggle daily to keep hidden from the world.
But The Geek Wants Out.
He wants to talk to you.
He wants to give you his doctoral dissertation on why
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
is the greatest fucking film of all time!
He wants to bitch slap you because
you've never seen Big Trouble in Little China.
What? Have you been living in a fucking cave?!
He wants to kick your ass in Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.
And he will.
Because he's a fucking Geek.
And he wants his toys.
He wants the complete set
in mint condition,
still in the box.
He wants every item on the planet that is even remotely related to Ultraman.
Because Ultraman is Airwolf!
He could give a squirt of piss
about sports or politics or rhetoric.
Such things are of no consequence to him.
What matters is the release date of the next Lord of the Rings movie!
You see, The Geek can't wait.
The Geek has no patience.
He wants what he wants when he wants it.
And all he wants is stupid shit!
He wants his own Tardis.
He wants his own light saber.
He wants to buy a DeLorean and he wants to drive it 88 miles per hour.
He wants movies.
He wants to see the Director's Cut.
He wants the impossible to find Japanese bootleg with
6 minutes of never-before-seen footage.
He wants to watch Blade Runner. Again.
He wants to watch Brazil. Again.
He wants to watch A Clockwork Orange.
Again and Again!
But I deprive him of these things, as best I can,
until I can no longer ignore his voice
screaming in my head.
I am Jekyl. He is Hyde.
I am Bruce Banner. He is the Hulk.
Especially the Hulk from issues #272 to #378.
But no longer!
I am putting a stop to all this nerdy shit right now!
I'm an adult, for Christ's sake!
And this body isn't big enough for the both of us.
One of us has to go, and it's gonna be him.
I banishing the Geek forever to the Phantom Zone,
just like in Superman II !
Because, in the end
there can be only one.
Okay- in all honesty- the geek is going to win... :) (jr)
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| Memories:: | 6 entries |
| Pictures: | fewer than 10 public |
| Interests: | 150: $240 worth of pudding, )'(, a capella music, absinthe, alton brown, ambrose bierce, angel the series, anime, apathetic agnostic, army of darkness, babylon 5, bad religion, battlestar galactica, being where lori is, biochemistry, biting, blackadder, blinky things, bliss, bluegrass, boom-sticks, bruce campbell, buckaroo banzai, buffy the vampire slayer, burning man, caffeine, camping, cooking, costume parties, cowboy bebop, cupcake love, davinci's notebook, denis leary, disneyland, doodle mockery, dorky girls, douglas adams, dvd's, dvn, eddie izzard, emma bull, evil dead, evolution, family guy, fark, farscape, fear and loathing, fight club, fingernails down my back, fire spinning, firefly, foreplay, freckles, friends, fuzzy things, gaming, garlic, geeks, greg bear, gregory benford, harry potter, hedonism, henry rollins, hitchhiker's guide, home improvement, home theater, homestarrunner.com, honda element, hot tubbing, indiana jones, inktank.com, invader zim, irish drinking songs, irish music, isaac asimov, kevin smith, kill bill, larry niven, lewis black, little yip-yip dogs, logan's run, lord of the rings, love, lust, marriedtothesea, massage, michael moore, molecular biology, monster house, monty python, mr. show, mt. big chair, muppets, nerdy girls, nin, occidental college, oh brother, open-minded people, outdoors, oxy, penny-arcade.com, pihkal, poi, polyamory, poxy boggards, pvponline.com, quentin tarantino, recreational pharmaceuticals, red dwarf, redheads, renaissance faire, road trips, robert heinlein, robert jordan, rocking the casbah, rocky horror, rocky horror picture show, sci-fi, sci-fi friday, science, science fiction, scifi, sea chanties, sex, simpsons, singing, sins o' the flesh, smallville, snuggling, social engineering, somethingpositive.net, star trek, star wars, stargate sg-1, stargate: sg1, stephen lynch, strong bad, tank girl, terry gilliam movies, the cheat, they might be giants, tim burton movies, video games, violent femmes, vocal music, web comics, weird al, whitney amber robinson, wine, women |
| Schools: | Ben Lomond Elementary School - Covina, CA
Sierra Vista Middle School - Covina, CA
South Hills High School - West Covina, CA (1986 - 1988)
Crescenta Valley High School - La Crescenta, CA (1988 - 1990)
Glendale Community College - Glendale, CA (1990 - 1996)
Occidental College - Los Angeles, CA (1996 - 1998)
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